On Motherhood & Being Human

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I read a lot of blogs.  I read a lot of blogs that run the list of blog niches out there-mommy blogs, craft blogs, beauty blogs, and life and style blogs.  There are a few that inspire me to keep doing this blogging thing and Rachel Martin at Finding Joy  is one of them.  Rachel recently wrote a blog post about celebrating ourselves as mothers and part of that post resonated with me very deeply.  

"...Motherhood isn't about measuring up, sweet mother.
It's about wiping sticky fingers, letting them play in the mud, washing clothes, listening to stories about kings and dragons and knights. It's about helping them grow and drying dishes and going to bed exhausted wondering if what you're doing really makes a difference. It's about running behind a kite helping it to get in the air and combing snarls out of hair and blowing bubbles on the deck. It's about pulling up the boot straps and hoping you have enough energy to get through the day. It's about sneaking a nap in when they're sleeping and telling yourself that it's the right thing to do - because it is. It's about feeling your heart burst with pride as the preschooler stands in front of a room singing and it's about that same heart aching as you hear about those days your child struggles."

Every day, at some point, I feel like a crappy Mom.  Motherhood is hard.  This is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done.  I lay awake nights worrying if I am a good mom or not.  I never laid awake at night and worried about how good of student I was or how good of an employee I was.  I got good grades, I got raises, I was well-liked.  Now, a lot of nights, I go to bed just feeling defeated and I lay awake and think entirely too much.    

As Rachel says, "Motherhood isn't about measuring up," and I can't help but add, "neither is being human." 

Because that's the truth, isn't it?  Motherhood and being human isn't about measuring up!  Motherhood and being human is about being uniquely you and doing the best you can with what you have, with what you know.  Life is about living!  It's about making mistakes, learning, growing, changing, accepting, and becoming who you are supposed to be.  
I don't think I have become a bad person.  I have never been a bad person.  I just think that who I have become has floored some people.  That is how life works though, isn't it? We change, we grow together, we grow apart, we go up, and we go down.  Add to that the pressure of "measuring up" to others expectations and you just end up feeling like a crappy human being at the end of the day.

Your life is not about what other's think.
Your life is not about how people think you should act.
Your life is yours and yours alone.

I am me.  That is all I am.  I have changed and I have grown.  I can no longer be who I used to be.  I have been through things, seen things, heard things, and done things that have shaped me into who I am today.  If I am not "measuring up" to someone else's expectations, well, I can't help them.  I'm sorry.  I can't go back.  I won't go back.  I live my life in the now because it's all I know to be certain.
So this is it.  This is me saying I am going to try my best, every day, to not worry about what others think or what others are doing.  I am going to concentrate on being uniquely me in hopes to not only make myself feel better, but to teach my daughter that it's okay to be uniquely her.   


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