I had a lot of time to myself this weekend.  E worked, L was away at her grandparent's house, and that just left me with myself and my thoughts.

Alone is a funny thing when you have grown accustomed to having someone around all the time.  I used to keep myself busy so I wouldn't have to be alone with my thoughts.  When you are a recovering time bomb, that's not a good thing.  It is very easy to slip back and start ticking again.

Alone is welcomed now.  In my days of taking care of L, doing laundry, feeding my family, going to the store, re-starting the dyer twenty times to "fluff" the already clean and dry clothes, doing dishes, cleaning.....I get lost.  If I have something I need to deal with personally, I push it away.  I store that shit like a pack rat.  I wait patiently until it is quiet, then, I pull them out one by one, look at it, analyze it, ponder it, make a decision, and move on.

And I prefer it that way.

I am a highly charged and emotional person.  I react on whim's.  I have trained myself since becoming a mother to sit on things as to be sure I don't overreact.  I learned a long time ago that if you react hastily to something, you just have a bigger mess to clean up later.  I have enough messes to clean up on a daily basis.  I'd rather not add more.

So, that was my weekend.  I have been really stressed out over buying the house, packing, and moving.  I'm also struggling with some of my own inner turmoil i.e. Mommy gained too much weight and that is wrecking havoc all over the place.  I enjoyed my time alone.  It gave me a chance to re-charge and think about things. I feel much better now.

As mothers, we need that.  Hell, as humans we need that.  We need time to step away from the daily grind, think about things, and re-charge.  Do I miss my kid when she isn't here?  Of course, but, it is good for her and I to spend time apart since we are together all day, every day.  It foster's independence in her and it give's me a chance to just be.  I like to just be. 


What about you?  Do you take alone time?  What do you do with your alone time?  Leave me a comment below!


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