Things Bigger Than Me

One of the greatest things about being a blogger is that you get to come up with your own content.  While I do try to draw readers (new and old) in with my posts, there comes a time when a blogger needs to "break it down".  Sometimes a blogger needs to just sit down at the computer, open a vein* (please see footnote at the end of post for my definition of this phrase), and let the words flow.

Lord, I need to open a vein.

Dear readers, welcome to my therapy.

And here we go...

There is a big thing going on here behind the veil.  I haven't said anything about it because I just wanted to keep it hush-hush.  I thought I could sit on it and then come out with it like a week or so before this big thing would take place.

I was wrong.  This has become a source of stress and anxiety for me and I just need to come out with it.  If I don't get my head right about it, my husband is going to shoot me.

Soooo...we are buying a house...

Our first home.  We are finally doing it.  After ten years of renting and moving at least once a year, I am so ready to be in a permanent home.  I am ready to let my creativity flow and create a home.  I am ready to just get this over with.

However, that has proved easier said than done.

If you have ever bought a home, you know there are hoops.  These hoops are making me crazy!  Do this, do that, you need copies of this...oh wait, there's a snag, do this and then that snag will be fixed...oh wait, here's another problem.....

June 14.  I just want to get to June 14 and get the keys and be DONE with this whole process.  This. is. nerve-wracking!

But this is really exciting, too!  I am so happy for this to be happening, but all this other stuff is making it hard to enjoy this part of our journey.

I think I am terrified that this is all going to fall through and we are going to have to start all over and we are running out of time at the house we are living in now.....and that's the stream of thoughts my brain goes through

It is overwhelming to say the least.

Then, take that big thing and lump it on top of all the other little things that bug me on a daily basis and you have a big 'ole steaming pile of stress and anxiety that make me just want to sit and vegetate until it is all over!

But, I can't do that because, well, I am a mom and a wife, so there is that.  E and L are what keep my head in the game.

So, here I am, writing all of this out so that I am able to correctly and thoroughly verbalize my feelings because I don't know what I think or feel until I do that.  Things that are bigger than me are the hardest things for me to deal with.  If it is out of my control, I am a terrified, stressed, anxiety-riddled mess.

This is why writing is my therapy.

This is why I was given this gift; to not only help other's through my words, but to help myself.  The universe knew I wouldn't be able to verbalize correctly so they gave me this gift.

Thank you, universe.

Now, could you please just shift a little, align the stars, and get this house buying business over with?  My sanity would appreciate it.  Thanks!

And thank you, dear readers, for letting me vent today.

In the famous words of Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump, "And that's all I have to say about that."

Until next time,

*open a vein-this is a phrase often used by writer's. There are several versions of the following quote, but they all mean the same thing: "Writing is easy.  You just sit down at a typewriter, open a vein, and bleed." (Red Smith) Simply put, it means opening yourself up and letting it all go on to a page.  


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