Happy Mother's Day!  I hope today is full of happiness and wonderful things for all of you!  We are having a small get together at our place this afternoon with the grandparents and a great-grandmother where L will get to spend some much needed time with the special people in her life.

And Mommy gets to sit back and watch.  (Kinda...until she does something that gives me a heart attack...*sigh*  Toddlers...)

Anyway!

Today, I want to talk about my Mama Journey.

LRH You can read her birth story here

When L was born, like right after she was born, I remember laying in the hospital bed, exhausted and drugged to the hilt, and I was slammed with a really scary realization:

"She's out....Oh my God, what do I do now!?"

I had about a thirty second freak out moment where I wasn't sure what the hell I was supposed to be doing.  I really had the urge to just get up off the bed and go to her, but, uh, that wasn't going to happen.  (If you have ever had a baby, you know why you can't do that.  If you haven't, you can't do that.  Trust me.)  Then I had another thirty second panic moment because they weren't bringing me my baby!  I remember titling my head up and saying, "Is she okay?" and everyone assured me she was okay and then I thought, "THEN GIVE ME MY BABY!"

That's when I became a mother.

I am almost certain that those two freak out moments was the mother coming out in me.

And then there was this moment:


Do you see my face?  (Please excuse my appearance in general, I just had a baby, yo.) I can't recall a picture of me EVER having that look on my face.

That's a Mommy moment.

 Holding her, all hooked up to her little sensors and wires, talking to her, cooing at her.  Yup.

Totally in love with my child.

Then you get to go home and your husband is there and (in my case) my mother was there, too, and you aren't really alone with the baby.  You have help.  You have six hands instead of just two.  You nap when she naps and people are even cool enough to take care of the baby while you nap.  They even cook!

Bliss.

And then the husband goes back to work and your mother leaves.....

Yea.......

Here's the thing:  The baby is inside of you for nine months.  They are portable.  You take them everywhere with you, conveniently, in your belly.  They eat when you do, they sleep (usually) when you do, and they do whatever you do.  You just have to take care of yourself so the baby stays healthy.  You talk to the baby, you read to the baby, your put headphone's on your belly and let her listen to The Beatles and she kicks and swirls.....

So, all of that is SUPER COOL, right?

Then you have the baby....then people go back to their lives...

And you are alone with the baby.

I sat, in the living room floor, next to L's play pen and cried my eyes out after everyone was gone and I was alone with my baby.

I panicked.

I said, out loud. while crying,  "God, you are crazy.  I can't do this.  I am going to screw her up.  I don't know what to do.  What if  something happens?  What do I do?"

And then, a small voice, from inside of myself says:

"You do what you feel you should do.  It all works out in the end."

So, that's what I did.

And that's what I continue to do.



I don't know how it happens, but women become mothers.

We just do what we gotta do because we are Mom.  Plain and simple.

Our instincts are crazy, right?

My Mama Journey has just started, but I am glad that I get to her Mama:



Until next time,