Twelve Years

Today, as I was trying my level best to get through grocery shopping as quickly as possible, I wrote a set of numbers that made me slow down for a few minutes.

I was totaling up the cost of what I had in my cart (because that's how my Mom taught me to grocery shop) and as I was carrying ones and dropping numbers , I wrote "8.19." 

This is the thought process that followed: 


"8.19....August 19...August 19 was not a very good day.
Wait...August 19 was....
Two...days ago...
Shit."

I missed an important date.  Again.  Last year, I missed it by a day.  This year, I missed it by two days.

I know what that means....it means it is getting easier to carry on....to live....like she isn't anymore.

I get it.  

As each year passes, it does get easier.  There are times where I think I see her face in a crowd.  I know it isn't her, but then, I think, maybe it could be?

12 years ago on August 19.


Sometimes it doesn't feel like it has been that long.

Other times it feels like it has been 112 years.

On this particularl day, it doesn't feel like it has been that long.  

I miss my friend.

I still wonder who you would be today.



Time does restore to us our quiet joy in the spiritual presence of those we love, 
so that we learn to remember without pain, 

and to speak without choking up with tears. 
But all our lives we will be subject to sudden small reminders 
which will bring all the old loss back, overwhelmingly. 
Elisabeth Watson

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2 comments:

  1. Time is a blessing in so many ways. It heals us, it helps us to forget and it allows our minds to sift out so many things that we don't need to hang on to. I am sorry about your friend. I am more sorry that you took on the blame for her passing. Why do we do that to ourselves? (Believe me, I've been there.)

    Just like the song goes: Time heals all wounds.
    Let your mind and soul rest and recover. Live your life for you...and your friend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for your kind words, Rae. They mean so much. :)

    ReplyDelete

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