Saying Goodbye: A Lesson in Self-Worth

At the beginning of this year, I decided that one of my goals for 2014 was to feel better.  I wanted to have more energy, a better frame of mind, and I wanted to feel good in my own skin.  I didn't realize what I was unlocking within myself when I set that goal.  This goal of mine has actually opened my eyes to a lot of things and has helped me to start undoing some of the things that I believed to be true.  

I have a little story...

Saturday I was kid-free, and after I did my grocery shopping and the unloading, I decided I would head out to a couple of stores to see if I could find a pair of jeans for myself.  If you have been a reader for very long, you know about my struggles with jeans.  I wasn't exactly looking forward to this, but the one pair of jeans I already owned had gotten too big, and I like having at least one or two pair in my wardrobe.

Kohl's didn't have crap, so I went to Target.  I stood looking at the jean wall and decided to grab a pair of 12s (my current size) and a pair of 10s (a size I hadn't been in almost two years) and I headed off to the fitting room.  

The 12s were as big as the ones at home, so I removed them and stood staring at myself in the mirror for a bit, thinking there is no way in hell those 10s are going to fit me.  However, I wasn't going home without a pair of jeans, so I grabbed them and pulled them on.

They slid up over my thighs and hips without a problem.

I buttoned them.

I zipped them.

And I could breathe.

There I was, for the first time in two years, in a pair of size 10 jeans.

I think I may have scared the little teenagers trying on their bikinis the way I shrieked and did a Snoopy happy dance all over that little dressing room in my size 10 jeans that made my ass look like a million bucks, but I didn't care.  After my celebration dance, I changed back into my clothes and headed for the check out.

My mind was racing on the drive home.  I couldn't believe that I had actually did it.  I had manged to do something that I never thought was possible again.

And then it hit me:

When I let go of the number on the scale and started making better choices about how much and when I eat (not so much what I eat-because I still love my junk food), and just trying to be more active-it all seemed less daunting.  I still haven't weighed myself and I don't care what it says-I feel better and I will no longer allow a number on a scale to define how I feel about myself.

I have stretch marks, a flabby tummy, and my hips are wider than they used to be, but it's my body and it can do amazing things without being a size 6 and weighing 120 pounds.  It wrangles a toddler, it cleans our home, it cooks meals to feed my family, and it surrounds and protects my unique heart and soul.  

It doesn't matter how much we weigh or the size of our jeans or even how much flab we have on our bodies. Those things don't define you as an individual.  They never have and they never will.

You will not be remembered at the end of your life by the number on the scale or the size tag in your jeans.  Your going to be remembered by what your body protects: your heart and soul.

Linked up at:
Motivation Monday via A Life in Balance
Mommy Monday Blog Hop via Squishybaby

2 comments:

  1. Yay! So happy for you! I know that moment must have been an amazing one...I think I would shave had a mini-celebration right there in the dressing room :D Thanks so much for sharing with us at The Mommy Monday Blog Hop...we all need to remember to hold on to our self-worth...no matter what size we are!

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    1. Thank you! Thanks for stopping by!

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