I am back from our road trip to Arkansas for a wedding.  I was ever so glad to sleep in my own bed Saturday night. We did a lot this weekend and L did really good.  She was a real trooper and I am really proud of her.  She's getting to be such a big girl!

We left Thursday morning and pretty much battled rain for half the drive to Northwestern Arkansas.  What is normally a six hour drive, turned into being almost eight or nine due to the weather and a toddler who discovered that if she told the adults in the car that she had to potty, they would frantically look for a gas station (which my toddler also added to her vocabulary this weekend) and she would, in turn, get to get out of her car seat and ransack every gas station from Illinois to Arkansas.

We got to our hotel about 8 in the evening, let L release some pent up energy in the indoor hotel pool, and promptly bathed her and put her to bed.......until she decided that she didn't want to go to bed until MIDNIGHT.  She had a brief moment in time where she was upset.  She wanted her bed and she missed Daddy and she wanted to go home.  It was very hard to make her understand why we couldn't just drive back home.  So.  I did what any mother who is delirious from a car ride with a toddler would do...

I proceeded to jump on the king sized hotel bed her and I would be sharing.  I told her that the best thing about trips is that we get to do things we normally wouldn't do...like jump on the bed.

She bought it.  Hook, line, and sinker.  I have video of my toddler jumping on a king sized bed in a hotel in Arkansas and I am proud of it.

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We woke up Friday morning with time to kill  before the wedding that evening so we took L to Build-A-Bear to build her a new bear.  Well, she chose a Princess Kitty...ya'll this thing is so sparkly....and she promptly named it "Kitty".

We went back to the hotel to get ready for the wedding (I'll have outfit deets later) and left with enough time to stop and let L see some "choo choo twains" before we had to be at the wedding.  She enjoyed the heck out of herself there and then we went to this beautiful chapel  and participated in a very intimate wedding.

We left the wedding, stopped for a bite to eat, headed back to the hotel, and promptly passed out.  It had been a long and exhausting day and I was more than happy to crawl into bed at 10:30.  Ha!

The next morning we got up, packed up, and left so we would have enough time to stop at the zoo in Springfield, Missouri so L could see some "ephants, jaffs, and hoppos". She had a blast and wore me the heck out!  I slept a lot on the way home while she slept, snacked, played on her LeapPad, and asked to stop at "gash shations".

We got home about 7 in the evening on Saturday and then I immediately got her in the tub so I could put her to bed.  After she went to bed, I had to assess the damage that The Hubbs had to deal with while L and I were gone.  Our basement sprung a leak while I was gone and he had to shop vac a bunch of water out of his man cave and the storage room next to it.  We spent Sunday cleaning up and moving a lot of stuff out to the sun porch  to be taken the curb on trash day the next two to three weeks.  We didn't lose anything valuable, monetarily or sentimentally, so we are thankful for that.  However, now we have to figure out what to do with a leaky basement. :-/  Joy.  Thrill.

And that, my readers, sums up my weekend!  I'll back tomorrow with another beauty post and the last post in my five key pieces for spring series will be coming later this week.  Be sure to be watching Facebook and Twitter for new post alerts!

In the spirit of today, I am going to share some of my dreams for L and her life. Since the day she was born, I have been trying to plant these little "dream seedlings" in her.  By parenting her with these dreams in mind, I hope that she eventually starts to embrace them on her own and carries them with her throughout her life.


I have a dream that L will always want to learn.  I hope she always keeps her curiosity.

It has recently turned quite cooler here in the Midwest and we have also had quite a few days of rain.  On the days that it is just too chilly or rainy to go out, I have to have reinforcements for L.

It can be pretty difficult  to keep a toddler entertained.  I realized this last year when the weather turned cold and we couldn't get out as much.  So, I took to Pinterest and found ideas to make a rainy day basket.

A rainy day basket is a basket of things you bring out when there is just nothing else working to keep your kiddo entertained.

I thought today would be a good day to showcase some of what L has been reading lately.  I, of course, use the term "reading" loosely because she is just under two and a half years old. However, she knows what books are her favorites and we read them quite frequently throughout the week.

Source

I witnessed something yesterday and it is still bothering me today.

Before I got pregnant with L, there were things that I said that I would never do nor allow to happen as a parent.

I was older when I had L.  I was 27 when I got pregnant and then turned 28 about three months before I had her.  Most of the people I knew already had kids.  I had been around babies and kids and I had seen things and heard things.  I remember watching a child have a meltdown in the store I worked in at the time, looking at my manager, and her pointing to my belly and saying, "You know that's gonna happen with her, right?  She's going to test you and you are going to have to make yourself heard."  I shrugged it off and said, "Not my child."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Famous last words, ya'll.

Here is a small list of things I said I wouldn't do or allow to happen when I became a parent:

1.  No child of mine will have an epic meltdown in the middle of a store.

BAHA!  Been there, done that.  The first time it happened, I was embarrassed and carried her out of the store, put her in the car seat, gave her a stern talking to, and took her home.  The second time it happened, I stopped what I was doing in the store, looked at her and said, "If you don't stop it RIGHT NOW, I will give you something to cry about."  That got her attention and left me feeling like my own mother.  HA!  I believe I may have even called my mother that evening and apologized to her for acting like a brat when I was little.

2.  My child will always be dressed.  

Um...this was a ridiculous notion.  There are some days L is in a t-shirt and a pull-up because that's as far as I have gotten with getting her dressed.  We just don't go anywhere that day.  ....Or I bribe her with a trip to the park to get her to put pants on....That's happened.  A lot.  Not ashamed.

3.  My child will eat the food in front of her.

She doesn't.  I refuse to fix her another meal.  That is something that I stand by 100%.  Instead, I tell her that she can sit there until I am done eating.  That usually does the trick and she eats more of what is on her plate.  I haven't met a food this kid won't eat so I know she's yanking my chain when she does that.  I also know how much it kills her to sit still and not do anything.  Problem solved.

4.  My child will not manipulate me.

Any ideas on how to fix this?  Seriously.  My two year old manipulates the hell out of me.  I refuse to have a teenager that does the same thing so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

5.  I won't be the mom that leaves the house with no make-up on, etc.

Um, this was really vain and stupid of me to say.  I have been working on this, though.  I feel better when I have some sort of make-up on and my hair looks semi-decent.  It's just one of those things that I always used to do and it helps me to take on the day, so to speak.  However, trying to get ready with a two year old underfoot can be difficult, but I try.  When I feel put together, I don't feel so frazzled, does that make sense?  The day usually runs smoother if I don't feel frazzled.

P.S. I have lost count of the times that I have been to the store without make up on and my hair in a pony tail.  Hey, at least I showered.


Isn't it funny how, before we become parents, we have all of these expectations in our heads and most of them get tossed out the window or re-worked?  What were some of your expectations that changed when you became a parent?

Today's ramblings are brought you to by seeing entirely too many mom's hating on each other this past week.

I've had enough.

So, I'm just going to lay it all out there and then we can proceed, K?


I didn't breastfeed my child.

I vaccinate my child.

I stopped completely rocking my child to sleep at about 9 months old.  As a matter of fact, it's because SHE didn't want it anymore.

L slept in our bedroom with us, in her crib, for the first ten months of her life.  We lived in a one bedroom apartment.  There was no bassinet.  There was no co-sleeper.  She slept in her crib from the first night she came home.

I used the cry it out method.  (Still do.)

I use disposable diapers.

I didn't make my own baby food.

My child eats what I fix for her.  I do not make her a second meal.  I'm sorry...you eat what I make you or it's a looong time till breakfast.  My parent's did the same thing to me-I turned out fine.  (The same rule applies to my husband.  He knows this.)

Sometimes, my child eats pre-cooked chicken fingers and Easy Mac.  Why? BECAUSE SHE LIKES THEM!  SHE'S 2!  She isn't training for a marathon!  My God, I'm lucky she is even EATING THIS WEEK!

My child watches TV.  Our TV is always on.  However, L is more inclined to run around the house than sit down and watch television.

I give my kid Kool-Aid...with sugar....(half the amount of sugar, but it still has sugar in it)

We do not co-sleep.  Period.  End of discussion.

My child will take antibiotics, Tylenol and Motrin.  I haven't noticed anything weird growing out of her, so I assume we are okay.

Now...tell me something...




Please share your stories below!  Let's SUPPORT each other!

Also, please feel free to share this if you agree!

When L was born, I remember hearing "Enjoy it! It will go by so fast!" from countless people.  In the midst of three-four hour feedings, diaper changes, and getting to know our daughter; the last thing on my mind was enjoying the moment.

I was not the Mom that sat and rocked her baby for hours on end.  Did I rock her and stare at her cute little face and marvel that she was ours?  Yup!  Do I think I missed out on an important piece of motherhood by not doing that?  No.

I have watched our daughter sleep, I have paced with her in the wee hours of the morning to calm an ear ache, and I have celebrated milestones with her.  I have taught her things, I have loved her, nurtured her, praised her, secured her environment, and protected her from day one.

And in the midst of all of that mothering, I got a two year old.

What?

I was watching L play at the park the other day.  She had said,"I do it, Mommy," when it came to playing this particular day.  So, I took a seat on the playground ledge and watched my "big girl do big girl things." I watched the way she climbed the steps, carefully, yet with just enough comfort to not scare her.  I watched the way she made her way to the slide, stopping to yell, "HI MOMMY!" just before she ducked into the opening of the slide.  Lastly, I watched as her face lit up as she made her way down the slide.

Recently I was reminded of how fleeting childhood is.  As mothers, we tend to get caught up in the phases our children go through; wishing for the end to arrive quickly and painlessly.  We have been through many phases already with our two year old; each one more complex than the last.  It can be mind-numbing.   It can make you wish their childhood away.

Over the weekend I was reminded to not do that.

It was a typical Saturday morning (meaning we were running behind, Mommy hadn't had any coffee, and the toddler was being her stubborn self) and our goal of the day was to do the grocery shopping.  I finally got both of us ready, out the door, and to our local grocery store.

As I was getting my daughter out of her car seat, and older man passed by us in the parking lot and he smiled, laughed, and said, "Love them while you can!  Mine will be forty-nine in a couple of weeks!"  I smiled and laughed and off we went into the store to do our shopping.

The mans words echoed through my head the whole morning..."Love them while you can..."  

I wish I would have thanked that man for his advice instead of brushing it off like I have been known to do.

How many times have we heard that?
How many times have we been given advice in a store from a complete stranger about our children's immortality as a little human?
How many times have you smiled, nodded your head, and uttered, "I'm trying.", as you pass them by?

I've lost track.

But, on that Saturday morning, standing in the warm sun with my daughter, looking at this older man, a part of me knew that those words would embed themselves within me.  It was the moment.  It was the way it was done.  Almost as if the universe just plopped that man down right in front of me and said, "Listen to this.  Carry these words with you."

"Love them while you can..."

Yes, sir, I will.

As most of you know, L was pretty sick for almost a week.  After two trips to the emergency room, we finally got it figured out: stomatitis.  It was terrible!  She could hardly eat or drink and, forget sleeping!  I was getting up every hour to two hours with her to try and soothe her back to sleep because the pain is terrible for her.  After the second emergency room trip, they were able to give me something to help her eat, drink, and sleep.  Fifteen minutes after the first dose of medicine, she wanted to eat and drink!  After three days of medicine and slowly gaining our appetite and thirst back, she was mostly back to her old self.  The sores have disappeared and the swelling is non-existent.  We are still waking up at least once or twice throughout the night, but I'm not sure the two are related.

After I figured we were in the clear, I started constructing my plan of attack on de-germing the house! I de-germ after every illness that happens in the house, regardless of who it is.  I don't like knowing there are germs hanging around in my house.  I banish them as soon as I can.  Not only does that save on recurring illnesses, but the house feels better after a good de-germing!

I thought maybe my readers may want to know what I do to get rid of germs, so I have compiled a list of things that I do after L has been sick.  This list also works if my husband or I get sick, too.

1.  Strip the bed:  I always pull all the bedding off of the bed and toss it in the washer.  This also goes for any blankie's, lovie's, etc. that a child may have. I then take L's mattress off of her bed and wipe it down with a good, warm rag.  While the mattress is drying, I wipe down the crib with a different warm rag.  I then get my trusty Lysol and I spray the mattress, the crib, and her room down.  I leave the room to air out and move on to my next portion of the house.

2.  Clean the bathroom:  I not only clean my bathroom after an illness, but the toothbrushes get pitched (especially after this illness) and replaced with new ones, the bath toys get sanitized and rinsed, and once again, Lysol is sprayed.  That room now airs out and you move onto the next phase.

3.  Sanitize the sippy's:  Clearly, my husband and I don't use sippy cups, but L does and those need to be sanitized and scrubbed!  I start by taking all the sippy's she has used apart.  Yup, remove all the straws, seals, etc.  Next, fill your sink with as hot of water as you can stand OR boil some water on the stove and dump it in the sink and a capful of bleach.  Toss your sippy cups and the parts in the sink and let soak for about 15-20 minutes.  (While these are soaking, I go back and put the kiddo's room back together since her bedding is clean and ready to be put back on the bed.) Now that the cups and their parts have soaked, you need to rinse.  I used a pair of tongs to reach down and pull out each piece and rinse it off in my second sink.  I then placed it in my dish drainer to air dry.  



4.  Clean the rest of the house:  It never hurts to mop floors, dust, vacuum  etc. the rest of your house after someone has been sick.  I also Lysol everything down, too.  If, by chance, L has played with toys while she is sick, all of those get sanitized, too.  (A lot of the times, this is not the case.  She usually feels too crummy to play.) 

As I stated before, de-germing my home makes me feel better, not only as a person, but as a mother.  There is just something about a fresh, clean, germ-free home that puts this mom's mind at ease!

Tell me what you do to after your child, or the whole household, has been sick.  What is your de-germing method?

***Rachael contacted me last month about writing a guest post for the blog and since I am currently nursing a toddler back to health (and sterilizing everything that has touched her mouth the past week), I knew this was the right time to share this.  It's also clearly summertime across the U.S. and what better time to make memories than in the summer? 

This is about yesterday.

There is moral to this story at the end.

Yesterday, a friend stopped by to visit and she gave me 45 minutes of her time to let me vent.  Then, she told me I was her hero.

It was nice to be able to sit down and talk with another mother and have them "get you".  As in, you two have been through the same types of things with your children, you feel the same way about yourselves as a mother, and you share the same feelings about your personal selves.

I've just been having a hard time lately.  I have felt defeated most days at the end of the day and it is hard to lay there and not cry yourself to sleep.  There are only a handful of people I can actually talk to about motherhood and I have felt rather isolated lately.  It was nice to hear that I was, in fact, "normal" and that all of these feelings I am having are valid and very real.

Then, she said something that made me cry.  She told me that because I am able to stay at home with my daughter and not go absolutely insane, that I am her hero.  She said she couldn't fathom what it must take to do that after doing so much in my life before L.

I did have a very long stretch of life that was solely me.  I came and went as I pleased, I had college, I had jobs, I had E.  My life was very busy.  It isn't so much right now and that major life change was hard.  It is still hard.  I manage the best way I know how.

My friend took me by surprise.  I surely don't feel like a hero, let alone to another mother.  I was flattered.  Then, when I get that way, I usually cry.  I felt better after our conversation and the rest of the day was a snap.

Moral of the story:  Take time to listen to others.  It isn't hard to see someone in distress if you just look very carefully and open yourself up.  You never know what you could be doing for the person sitting across from you. 

Dear L,

You are 2 today!  I can't believe how much you have grown this past year.  It really does seem like only yesterday that we were waking up every 3-4 hours so you could eat and get a diaper change.  Those first six weeks went by so fast.  People told me they would, but I didn't really let it sink in, until now.

Some day's I sit and watch you play and I am amazed that you are even in the same room as me.  You came from me, something that I was told wasn't possible, but here you are!  You are incredibly active (okay, actually, you are non-stop most of the day. HA!) and you are learning how to talk.  You say so many things now and I am floored each time you say something new.  I talk to you as much as I can, because I know that is how you learn.



We read books together and we play with your dolls.  We watch Caillou and Spongebob and Clifford.  You like Elmo and Snow White.  Ellie is your constant companion through it all, as am I.  You're my constant companion.  We go everywhere together, L.  You love the grocery store and you like to "help" me pick out food and put things in the cart.

You love to be outside and explore.  I have fun watching you play outside.  It isn't that I don't want to play with you when we are outside-I just love watching you.  You help Mommy to remember all of those things I have forgotten.  One day you will understand what I mean.  Don't be in a hurry to grow up, L.  I know I will hear you say this countless times over the years, but trust me, it all goes so fast anyway.  Enjoy it while you can.



You are Daddy's favorite.  Any time you get to spend with Daddy is your favorite time.  There are so many thing's Daddy can't wait to do with you.  He's talked about them so much this past year.  Oh, the fun you and Daddy are going to have!  I can't wait for those memories for you.



You are the sunshine in a lot of people's lives, L, just by being yourself.  Don't ever stop being yourself.  I hope that as you get older, you will remain true to who you are.  That's what I am here for-to help you with that.  There are a lot of thing's Mommy knows about that she wants you to understand.  Some of those things you will have to learn on your own, I know this, but I will always be here to help you when you need it.

I can't believe you are 2, baby girl.  You are napping right now and you will probably wake up soon, so I need to end this here.  Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you and we love you very much.  I can't wait to see all of the things you learn this year!

All my love,
Mommy

I slowly walked down the hall to our bedroom to retrieve my cell phone charger.  When I made the left into our room and looked upon my nightstand, there was something else there that wasn't normally there.

I could see the title Guideposts almost instantly.  As I got closer, I noticed the words written on the front cover "Page 67" and underneath that a smiley face and the words "Love you!".  It was my mom's handwriting.

After a very busy, taxing, and exhausting day of family, friends, toddlers, birthday cake, presents, tantrums, and falls-I was beat.  I took a deep breath and grabbed the Guideposts and my charger, and walked back to the living room.

I sat down on the couch and turned to page 67.  It was a short article.  I thought to myself, "Oh I have time.  I wonder what Mom has found for me to read.."

As I began to read the article, I instantly knew why this was left on my nightstand.  In case you missed my last post, there is a battle of wills going on  between L and I.  She will be 2 on Tuesday and she has already started exhibiting actions that can only be labeled as "the terrible twos".  These past couple of weeks have been very trying and very exhausting.  I haven't been this tired since my last year of collage when I was pregnant, gave birth to, and took care of a newborn on top of finishing my degree.

The article started out like this:

Disclaimer:  I'm whining today.  I'm whining about my child today.  This is my space, I do what I want, and today, I whine about having a toddler.

Oh boy.  The terrible two's have hit our house.  As in, I swear L just woke up one morning and decided that, for however long she deemed fit, she was going to give Mommy a run for her money.

I'm exhausted.

She's stopped sleeping through the night-sometimes waking up two or three times a night.  All she wants is to  be tucked back in.  This morning she wanted a story at 4am....um, no kiddo, Mommy was practically comatose and we do not read stories at 4am.  We sleep, thank you very much, I love you, good night.

She woke up again at 4:45 just to say HI!  Literally, I opened the door to her room, she said "HI!", ran back to her bed, crawled in, and waited for me to tuck her in.

Kiddo.....*sigh*

(Sidenote:  The only reason I get out of bed to check on her is because she is crying.  It's crying that worries me.  I don't like crying toddlers in the middle of the night, especially when they have had ear infections out the wazoo like our child has.  I always go to a crying kid in the middle of the night.  Especially if she has been a good sleeper up until this point.)

Oh and let's not forget to mention the full blown temper tantrums we have throughout the day over what's on TV, one of the cats is on the couch, Mommy goes to the bathroom, or her sippy is empty.

Image from Stock Free Images

I read a lot of blogs.  I read a lot of blogs that run the list of blog niches out there-mommy blogs, craft blogs, beauty blogs, and life and style blogs.  There are a few that inspire me to keep doing this blogging thing and Rachel Martin at Finding Joy  is one of them.  Rachel recently wrote a blog post about celebrating ourselves as mothers and part of that post resonated with me very deeply.  

Every day, at some point, I feel like a crappy Mom.  Motherhood is hard.  This is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done.  I lay awake nights worrying if I am a good mom or not.  I never laid awake at night and worried about how good of student I was or how good of an employee I was.  I got good grades, I got raises, I was well-liked.  Now, a lot of nights, I go to bed just feeling defeated and I lay awake and think entirely too much.    
I am me.  That is all I am.  I have changed and I have grown.  I can no longer be who I used to be.  I have been through things, seen things, heard things, and done things that have shaped me into who I am today.  If I am not "measuring up" to someone else's expectations, well, I can't help them.  I'm sorry.  I can't go back.  I won't go back.  I live my life in the now because it's all I know to be certain.