I could see the title Guideposts almost instantly. As I got closer, I noticed the words written on the front cover "Page 67" and underneath that a smiley face and the words "Love you!". It was my mom's handwriting.
After a very busy, taxing, and exhausting day of family, friends, toddlers, birthday cake, presents, tantrums, and falls-I was beat. I took a deep breath and grabbed the Guideposts and my charger, and walked back to the living room.
I sat down on the couch and turned to page 67. It was a short article. I thought to myself, "Oh I have time. I wonder what Mom has found for me to read.."
As I began to read the article, I instantly knew why this was left on my nightstand. In case you missed my last post, there is a battle of wills going on between L and I. She will be 2 on Tuesday and she has already started exhibiting actions that can only be labeled as "the terrible twos". These past couple of weeks have been very trying and very exhausting. I haven't been this tired since my last year of collage when I was pregnant, gave birth to, and took care of a newborn on top of finishing my degree.
The article started out like this:
"Motherhood is a blessing for me-the answer to my prayers. But sometimes all those blessings-seven of them aged 4 to 19-are a lot for one mother to handle."
A light bulb went off in my head. This sounded like a familiar thought I have had several times over the past two years. The difference being, I only have one.
I continued to read on about how a mother of seven was having a frantic morning and how she found herself in the bathroom, for a moment of peace, saying a prayer to God:
"Lord, help me, I prayed. I'm having trouble handling all of my blessings today."
And that's about the time I started to tear up because then I really knew why this had been left on my night stand. The author proceeded to tell how, after praying, she saw little fingers wiggling under the door and she started to laugh. She realized that, soon those fingers would be too big to wiggle under the bathroom door.
I think to myself, "I know....she won't be little long. I should cherish all of these moments with her because, one day, I'm going to feel like her life was a blink. The next thing I know, my daughter will be in high school and I won't know how the hell we got there so fast. She makes it so hard, though, sometimes. Sometimes I go in the bathroom and shut the door for peace and quiet. I ignore the voice on the other side of the door saying, "Mom-eee, Mom-eee" and the finger's poking under the door. I ignore them and I shouldn't."
The last line is what really got me:
"God never gives us more blessings than we can handle."
*sigh*
I know.
She's not even supposed to be here! She's our own little blessing and I need to be more patient with her.
I also realize that this too shall pass. (Somebody find me a sign that says that so I can put it in my home! Seriously. I need to see it every.single.day.)
The past few weeks, I have gone to bed every night feeling like the worst mother in the world because I am constantly butting heads with my child. I have cried some of those nights out of sheer exhaustion and frustration.
And here was my own mom, who hands down, is the best mom in the world still being the great mom she is by offering me these words and silently saying, "You can do this. You aren't given what you can't handle. It is just like every thing else that has happened in your life. You handled it all with determination and focus." And then I hear the second part, "Because, one day, you will be me and she will be you; and it will be here before you know it."
Thank you, Mom.
Thank you for helping me to see that I am not alone in how overwhelmed I feel. Thank you for encouraging me to keep going and to just breathe. And lastly, thank you for knowing. You knew what I needed and you found it and you left it, waiting for me, when I needed it the most.
The article has been ripped our of the issue of Guideposts, certain parts highlighted, and now lives on the refrigerator, where I will see it every day, several times a day. So, I too, can be reminded that I am L's mother because I can handle this. He wouldn't have given her to me if He didn't think I could handle it.
And, after reading the article, a sense of calm washed over me.
That is the calmest I have felt in two weeks.
And then I slept the best sleep I have had in eons.
That is the calmest I have felt in two weeks.
And then I slept the best sleep I have had in eons.
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