Here We Are Again

Oh, check me out-I'm blogging.  Again.

I had a blog,yes I did.  It had a witty name.  It was called 'Life with Mom-Brain' and well, Mom-Brain actually took over and I totally forgot I had it.

*sigh* As is life finishing a degree, raising a child, and getting married. 

So now, I'M BACK!  I am going to try this blogging thing again at the urging of some friends of mine who think it would be a good idea.  (Okay, okay, I also think it's a good idea.  I need a reprieve from dirty diapers, crying-it-out spells, wearing baby food in my hair, and Bubble Guppies.) By the way, who comes up with the names of cartoons these days?  Team Umizoomie?  Bubble Guppies? WTH!? What happened to My Little Pony!?

I digress...

The quote above is how I have been feeling the past few days.  I graduated from college last week.  Yep, I sure did......after eleven years.....and a lot of money in student loans....and I don't know if I will ever recover from all the sleep I have lost over papers, projects, portfolios, and baby.  Now I sit and wonder...."Now what?"  Okay, so I apply to some jobs in my field...and wait....and wait....and apply to a few more...and wait some more...and....yes, this is how it goes. 

I start to wonder if I really will find a job in my field.  The economy stinks, my field is basically on lock down, and I have no experience except for what the college required me to do to get my degree.  Well, now, doesn't that sound like good odds?

I didn't think so either.

So, I have been in my head the past few days about the possibility of racking up all this debt, getting all this knowledge, and....not doing a damn thing with it. :-/  (<---- That's my concerned face.) So, what the hell am I supposed to do now?

I know I have reached another crossroads in my life.  I have been here before and I know what it looks like.  (Oh and here comes the Metallica song again..."Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, was just a freight train coming your way...") I just haven't quite figured out what it all means yet. 

I'm actually quite scared.
I have really big goals for myself.  They are way up high on a shelf so they won't get damaged or completely broken.  I am only 5'1.  Those aren't very good odds either.

I have never been one to just sit and wait.  I was not born with patience. 

"But you took ten years to finish a degree!  You chipped away and chipped way until you actually did it!  You are to be commended!"

Yes, thank you, but I never thought it would get here and I thought I was going to go insane from BEING SO. DAMN. PATIENT! 

This is what I know right now:

I have a degree.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I have all this knowledge and talent and I fear it will all go to waste. 

Those are the worst things to waste.

The question I will go to bed with tonight, that I will ask the ceiling a hundred times until I fall asleep, is this:

"Do I go left or do I go right?"


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