I used to write poetry...a lot. I had notebooks and notebooks full of scribbles and stanzas mixed in with tears. It was an incredible collection of my soul in written word.
Then, one day, I threw it all away.
Yup.
Every last bit of it.
It was all part of a time of my life that I was trying to forget and move on from. So, I dumped them all in the dumpster of the place I lived at the time and walked away.
I miss every blessed word.
After that, I wrote more, but it was never really the same. I don't write poetry at all anymore, but I miss it. However, I seem to be one of those writer's who can only write poetry when they are depressed. So, I suppose I can say, at least I'm not depressed!
The following is something I wrote in 2009 after the husband and I (before we were married) took a break in our relationship and he moved back to his home state and I stayed in MO, alone, in the apartment we had shared. It was a very tough time for both of us, but that is also when I discovered Lao Tzu and I really started to look inward at myself, my hang-ups, my reasons.
I did a lot of soul-searching that summer.
It was a good summer for that.
Within
I
breathed you in
Every chance I could
And I still feel like
It wasn't enough.
Intoxication.
The movie reel in my mind
Plays continuously
Every look,
Every laugh,
Every single moment.
Damnation.
And I lay down at night
And pray for just one more
Of anything
From you.
Desperation.
Because I feel starved
And empty
And lost.
Addiction.
Broken apart before it was time
And will there ever be time again?
Every chance I could
And I still feel like
It wasn't enough.
Intoxication.
The movie reel in my mind
Plays continuously
Every look,
Every laugh,
Every single moment.
Damnation.
And I lay down at night
And pray for just one more
Of anything
From you.
Desperation.
Because I feel starved
And empty
And lost.
Addiction.
Broken apart before it was time
And will there ever be time again?
05-20-09
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