I was reading the newest post from Bethany over at
In This Crazy Life and she was talking about her goals as a mother. I have recently began delving a little deeper into this topic myself because, I realized, I don't have clear, defined goals as a mother. I have the basics covered: care for her, protect her, love her, teach her, etc., but there are some that are more intricate. There are things that I need to instill in my daughter so that she can take care of herself when I am no longer here.
Some of the following can be taught when L is older. Some, though, some need to be started now. She is learning so fast these days. She is picking up on so many new things every day, it's boggling my mind. I feel like if I have a sturdy platform, I can build and grow from there.
I have also been feeling like I am just stumbling blindly through this motherhood thing. I know a lot of people feel that way, but I'm just starting to realize it, so, bear with me.
1.
Patience. Lord, I need this so badly. I once was told not to pray for patience because God didn't work that way, but I still do it because sometimes a Mama needs
help from the powers that be! L is the perfect mixture of her father and I. Needless to say, she is stubborn as
hell. She does things when and how
she wants to do them, and that's the end of it. I have found myself rushing her to finish things up and I have found myself taking over just to get it done because we are running late, etc. I need to stop. She has to learn. This is the only way she
will learn is by doing it herself and having a
patient mother who supports and encourages her at all of her endeavors.
2.
Be present. Ya'll I'm addicted to my iPhone. It has to stop. For the past couple of weeks, I have been really toying with the idea of a social media break. I can't just abandon the blog, so I am working out the details in my head. I have also spent days these past couple of weeks with my phone in another room, away from L and I, so I could solely concentrate on her. The change is astounding in both of us when I do that. We play, read books, and just generally have a better time together. So, this is definitely something I am going to stick with and work on. She needs me, not me answering a text or an email or checking Facebook.
3.
Individuality. I want my daughter to be okay with who she is. I want her to love every little thing about herself. I want her to exude confidence in herself and her abilities. I want these things for her because I didn't learn this until much later in my life. It caused me a lot of issues. I am currently working on trying to be the best me I can be so my daughter can follow suite. I want her to see that Mommy marches to the beat of her own drum and she turned out okay so it must be okay for her to do the same.
4.
Respect for herself and other's. L will be taught manners. She will be respectable to people at all times, even when she does not agree with them. I have seen far too many disrespectful children and I refuse to allow my child to act in such a manner that not only makes herself look bad, but those that love her. I will not sit in the principal's office and listen to a story of how my child disrespected a teacher or another student. You can be an individual and have respect for authority and yourself. I do it every day.
5.
Say yes more. I'm so tired of the word "No." I say it a billion times a day and L says it a trillion. I can't stand that word anymore. I need to be more mindful of what I should say yes to. For example, L has a shoe fetish. As in, this child will stick to one pair of shoes for WEEKS! She will wear them until they are absolutely disintegrating on her feet. I try to put her in different shoes-no go. We fight about it. After the moment is over, hours later, I wonder why I fought with my kid over SHOES! I'm just going to let her wear the damn shoes from now on. We are also going to go to the park more and we are going to do way more things than we have been doing. We need some family outings. STAT.
6.
Support. I want L to always know that we are here for her if she needs us. I don't want her trying to get information from the internet, her friends, or any other source. I want her to feel comfortable coming to talk to us about questions she has from why the sky is blue to the sex talk. I never felt comfortable talking to my parents about sex. I also had a hard time expressing my feelings about being hurt. I just don't want a teenager that sits in her room and thinks we don't understand or we don't know anything (I know, I know...she probably will anyway) and then harbors resentment towards us because we didn't help her.
7.
Be kind. I want L to have compassion. I want her to notice other's who are less fortunate than her and try to help them with a kind word, gesture, or something more. I don't want her to sit by and watch people suffer when she can change the whole situation by walking up and saying "Hi. Can I sit with you?" I want L to sit at a lunch table of misfits like I did in high school. A handful of those "misfits" are still my best and dear friends to this day. I want her to look past the cover and see what's inside.
8.
Be curious. I want L to be adventurous. I want her to ask questions. I don't want her to fear the unknown. I want her to embrace it and go for it. I don't want her to sit on the sidelines for the majority of her life and watch everyone else play the game because she's too terrified to move from the bench. I did that. That's not what life is about. Life is for living and learning, not sitting in terror of your own damn shadow.
9.
Be well-rounded. I want to make sure L is introduced to new experiences and has the opportunity to do what she is interested in. If she wants to take piano lessons, cool! Ballet? Okay! Play softball? Heck yea! I don't believe in stereotypes. If I have a piano playing, softball throwing, tutu wearing teenager running around my house-so be it. The more you are introduced the things, the more you learn to appreciate the world you live in.
10.
More than me. Lastly, I want L to do and be more than I ever was or ever will be. I want her to stand up for herself, respect herself, have grace, understanding, and a sense of humor. I don't want her to watch life pass her by. I want her to live and I don't want her to be afraid. I want her to have dreams and work for them. I want her to know that she can always come back home and that we live in a non-judgmental household so, things that she views as mistakes, are just stepping stones. I want her to understand, unlike me for many years, that our mistakes don't define us. We are more than they are. We have scars because we chose to live life, not because we deserve them.
